Why Do You Keep Saying 'Yes' Instead of Setting That Heartfelt, Boundary-Filled 'No'?
Break free from the chains of people-pleasing and step boldly into the space you deserve.
Hey, listen up. I'm tired of watching you play small to make others feel comfortable.
It's time to stop dimming your light and start owning your worth. No more apologies. No more shrinking. The world needs the real, unapologetic you. Honestly, we don’t need anymore soul-less people walking around.
I know you’ve been conditioned to make sure everyone else is COMFORTABLE, to make sure no one feels left out, to make sure everyone’s needs are met—even at the cost of your own. But let me tell you something: You’ve been doing this for way too long, and it’s time to stop.
People-pleasing isn’t just about saying yes when you mean no. It’s about adjusting yourself to fit the mold everyone else wants for you. It’s about worrying more about who’s going to show up than whether you even want them there. It’s about picking the restaurant everyone else will like, even though it’s your day, your celebration, your chance to finally do what you want.
Listen, I see you. You’ve been overthinking, over-caring, over-compromising, all while dimming your own light. And the truth is: You deserve to take up space.
For me, this hit differently because my birthday is three days before Valentine’s Day. I know right, it’s absurd, haha. A time when everyone else is wrapped up in their love life, their plans, their priorities. People are too focused on their own stuff to give you the time and attention you deserve. But here’s the kicker—People will always make time for what truly matters to them. So I started asking myself: Why aren’t I making time for me? Why am I constantly worried about other people’s comfort when I’m the one who’s been putting myself on the back burner?
Now, I want you to ask yourself the same questions:
Why am I putting everyone else’s needs before my own?
Why am I afraid of taking up space?
Why am I still waiting for permission to live fully?
How many times have you:
Held back your joy because you didn’t want to seem “too much”?
Downplayed your success so others wouldn’t feel bad about their own journey?
Toned yourself down so no one would think you were being arrogant or “full of yourself”?
Tried to fit in instead of standing tall in your own skin?
Sacrificed your happiness just to avoid rocking the boat?
It’s time to stop this. You can no longer let fear dictate your life or give your power away. People-pleasing is robbing you of your own happiness. And let me be clear, if you keep living for others, you’ll never fully live for yourself.
I get it. Taking back your power sounds great in theory, but how do you actually do it? Here's how you can start:
1. Stop apologizing for YOUR needs.
The next time you want something, whether it’s a change in plans, a different choice, or a quiet moment to yourself—don’t apologize. Stop feeling like you need to explain why you deserve it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for living your life in a way that honors you.
2. Set boundaries and stick to them.
I get it; setting boundaries with friends can be tough, especially when you're used to putting their needs before your own. But here's the thing: if you don't take care of yourself, you can't truly be there for anyone else. So, start small. Next time a friend asks you to hang out but you're feeling drained, it's okay to say, "I need some time to recharge." They'll understand, and you'll feel better for honoring your own needs.
Remember, real friends respect your boundaries. If someone pushes back, it's a sign to stand firm. Communicate openly about how you feel and what you need. For example, "I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute; can we stick to what we agree on?" This kind of honesty strengthens relationships and ensures you're not sacrificing your well-being.
3. Stop waiting for external validation.
You don't need anyone else to validate your worth. It's time to look in the mirror and remind yourself: You are worthy. You are deserving. You are enough. Believing this isn't about arrogance; it's about acknowledging your inherent value. As Maya Angelou wisely said, "You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody."
Embracing your worth means releasing the need for external approval. It's about recognizing that your existence alone makes you valuable. Remember, your past does not dictate your future, and you are deserving of all the good things life has to offer. So, stand tall, believe in yourself, and know that you are enough—just as you are.
4. Celebrate yourself, no matter who’s there.
Listen up: it's time to stop waiting for others to make you feel special. Whether it's your birthday, a personal win, or just because, celebrate yourself. Don't apologize for taking time to honor your achievements and who you are. Treat yourself with the love and care you've been giving everyone else. You don't need a crowd to validate your worth; you're enough on your own.
As Rupi Kaur says, "How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you." So, start by showing yourself the appreciation you deserve. Remember, self-celebration isn't selfish; it's essential. Embrace your worth and make yourself feel special—because you truly are.
5. TAKE UP SPACE. (It’s enough room for everybody!)
Remember, your presence is a gift. You have every right to take up space, to stand tall, and to speak your truth. Embracing your authentic self isn't just about you—it's about showing others that it's safe for them to do the same. So go ahead, own your worth, and let your true self shine.
You’re not doing anyone a favor by shrinking. You’re not doing the world a favor by staying small. Let your light shine. Speak your truth. Own your gifts. Stand in your power. Stop holding back because you’re worried about what others will think. People who truly matter won’t be intimidated—they’ll be inspired.
6. Let go of fear of rejection.
Embarking on a journey of personal growth often leads us down paths that not everyone can follow. It's natural for friendships to evolve—or even fade—when our values, priorities, and energies shift. While it can be painful to let go of relationships that no longer align with our true selves, remember that this process creates space for connections that resonate with your authentic path.
Not everyone will understand you, and that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean you have to shrink down to make them comfortable. You have every right to exist fully, unapologetically, without fear of judgment or rejection. The right people will love you for your authenticity, not your perfection.
7. Embrace your joy.
Don’t hold back on celebrating what makes you happy. Whether it’s dancing in your living room, treating yourself to something you love, or simply being at peace with who you are—embrace it. Your joy doesn’t need permission. You are worthy of living fully.
So, here’s the truth: You don’t need a crowd to be worthy of celebration. You don’t need to prove your worth by how many people show up. You don’t need anyone’s validation to take up space and be yourself.
You are enough, just as you are. And I need you to believe that.
Stop Shrinking.
Stop Accommodating.
Stop waiting for permission to live the life you’ve always deserved!
You deserve to take up space. You deserve to be celebrated. And it starts now. So stand tall, take a deep breath, and claim your place in the world.
You’ve been waiting long enough.
✨It’s time to show up for you. ✨
✨ Jamie Hillocks ✨
Founder of Feel Bright Studios
Creating a life, not just a living | Art, Wellness, & Real Talk
P.S.
Life's not handing out freebies, and that's okay! Your determination and self-belief are the secret sauce to unlocking your dreams. Now either get started with choosing yourself, or catch up on your doom scrolling. The choice will forever and always be 100% yours to make.
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